Thursday, August 25, 2011

Forgive and Forget


Since I always offer publishing and promoting information, thought I’d share something motivational with you today.

Forgiveness is a topic close to my heart. The fourth book in my series was all about forgiveness.

Most of the hate and anger in the world is a result of an unforgiving heart. Think of the wars, the divorces, the reality shows where people scream… All because someone felt jilted, slighted, neglected, or threatened - and chose to harbor those feelings rather than let them go.

Recently I had someone take advantage of my knowledge as a speaker. In a big way. By nature, I’m naïve and trusting - and someone took advantage of that. I was crushed. (My husband said I probably needed a really good cry anyway.)

Afterwards, I just wanted to let it go. I wanted to forgive, forget, and move on with my life. Letting go of that last bit of anger was tough, though. But I did it. And now, not only do I feel lighter, but something really amazing happened this week, something I’d wanted for so long. And I know it’s only because I forgave this person.

When we refuse to forgive someone, who does it hurt? That’s right - US! The other person doesn’t know we are harboring thoughts of their demise. No matter how much resentment we send in their direction, they don’t feel it. Instead this bitterness turns on us. What was once a small issue grows to epic proportions and we are caught up in the negative wave of emotions.

We also forget that we make mistakes, too.

John 8:7 "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

And I used to tell our one foster daughter - “Life is not fair - get over it!”

Is there someone you have not forgiven? Maybe they meant to cause pain. But, maybe they didn’t. Maybe they didn’t know any better. Maybe they have apologized but it fell on deaf ears.

Forgive them. You are the one it is hurting. And by releasing that bitterness, you will gain far more than that anger and indignation ever brought to your life.

24 comments:

Majid Ali said...

Please help me for Christ sake.

welcome to my world of poetry said...

I am forging by nature but there are some things in life that happen that we accept, but to fully forgive that someone's flesh and blood can sever you from his and his children's life. is HARD to forvive. I can put it at the back of my mind but if I knew the reason I could understand his behaviour. I am not perfect but have always put my family first and this hurts like mad. I know I can hold my head up high in this instance but the things he wrote to me I wonder if he can?

Enid Wilson said...

Very good advice. I got a very hard rejection at work recently and I was quite angry and hurt. But then I decided to move on and now I feel quite powerful.

Every Savage Can Reproduce

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Yvonne, you are in a really difficult situation and my heart goes out to you.

Enid, it is very empowering. It's like submission - people don't realize the power in submission.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

God forgives and we should as well.

KarenG said...

Wonderful post! And I so hope people forgive me for all the stupid things I say and do, because I don't mean harm but sometimes it happens anyway.

LD Masterson said...

Amen.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Karen, my husband says I'm the master of blunt, so I know how you feel.

Lynn said...

Wise, wise words Diane. Will you be letting us know the something
amazing' that happened too? Without forgiveness of others and/or oneself, we chain ourselves in a prison of anger, resentment, and self-loathing. I know God never intended for us to live that way. Believing in the cross means we believe in His forgiveness too. Gosh, I know it is hard to forgive but, as you say, feeling lighter lets us be who free on who we are meant to be.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

Thanks for this reminder, Diane! I'm so sorry that happened to you...

Karen Walker said...

This is so so important, Diane. Glad you were able to forgive and let go. I have one person I need to do this work with - thanks for the reminder.
Karen

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Lynn, you said it better than I did!

Elizabeth, as my husband told me, it was bound to happen sooner or later. It's happened, so now I can move on.

Sharon said...

Great post although I would retitle it, "Forgive and Move On" since we don't really forget. But when we truly forgive, when we remember what happened it no longer hurts or causes us to feel angry. We do family seminars with Family Foundations International and we see this kind of miracle of forgiveness taking place right before our eyes for many of the participants. And of course we have many of our own amazing stories of the results of forgiveness in our own lives.

Jemi Fraser said...

Lovely. Forgiveness requires a lot of energy - energy that could be better spent elsewhere. Good for you.

Gail M Baugniet said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about anger and forgiveness.

In my family, we didn't voice anger. I guess when you receive a Catholic upbringing, it is instilled in you that forgiveness is the only acceptable path.

A friend and I parted ways a while back and recently drifted back into an easy friendship. One day she voiced surprise that everyone didn't deal with disagreements the same way. Forgive, forget, move on.

I am sorry that someone felt they had a right to use you for their own gains, but I am pleased to hear that you dealt with the situation in a manner that ultimately was of benefit to you!

~Sia McKye~ said...

Diane, good post. I was always taught that harboring hate anger is bitterness to the soul and rottenness to the bones. It was something I heard but it wasn't until I grew up a bit that I realized the truth of it. The negative qualities of anger, jealousy, resentment, and hatred all have physical impacts on the body. It harms the body.

Personally, I'm not one to hold grudges or hold on to anger and resentments. I deal with the emotions (the anger is tougher) and let them go. Sometimes the other person has no idea that they've even hurt or offended you and, of course, we offend and hurt without knowing, too.

Those who deliberately choose to use, hurt, or take advantage of another are out there. They tend to take delight in what they wrought in you or your life. I refuse to give them that power over me. I can't control them but I can control me.

I'm glad that when you let go, you got a blessing. For all you do, you deserve one. :-)

Sia McKye's Thoughts...OVER COFFEE

Stephen Tremp said...

Amen sister! I don't hold people in a place where I need to forgive them. If someone does me wrong, and it happens, I ask God to have mercy, Bless them, and move on. Shpwing mercy will someday comeback to be an ace up my sleeve when I am being judged. I believe I'll reap what I sow and mercy will be shown to me.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Sharon, move on is probably better.

Gail, forgiving still must be a choice, right?

Sia, you used the magic words - you can control YOU.

Stephen, it's always better to let God deal with that person.

Eric W. Trant said...

Too personal. I had to delete my post, which as always got too long and rambly.

Lots to think on.


- Eric

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Eric, you never ramble.

DEZMOND said...

forgiving is nice, but sometimes people shouldn't forgive because forgiveness can sometimes make a crime or a sin a relative thing. Like in the cases when parents forgive a person who killed their kid or something.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Dezmond, it doesn't lessen what happens - it sets the forgiver free. As a Christian, I feel that was the true purpose for God wanting us to forgive others.

J.C. Martin said...

Well said. Forgiveness can be very liberating, not for the person being forgiven, but to yourself too!

Clarissa Draper said...

I've very sorry that someone would do something to hurt you like that. I'm so glad you're not holding on to the angry. I believe what you believe, the hate only hurts us.